How To Approach Women (Without Being Creepy)

young women in a cafe drinking coffee and smiling

 I’m going to give you 9 tips for how to approach women more respectfully in a post #metoo world. I’ll outline specific action steps, examples of what to do, and what not to do. And perhaps a crazy story or two, just to hammer it all in.

 Showing you know how to help a woman feel safe is an unconscious turn-on for a woman. The more consistent you are with that, the bigger the heart-on, because we are talking about women after-all. (See what I did there?)

If a woman doesn’t feel safe, she’s going to start shutting down and closing herself off, and then bye-bye.

Game over.

So here are 9 simple suggestions that you can use to respectfully approach women and get better results.

1. Be Honest

Women can sense when men have ulterior motives. The effectiveness of the techniques that I share is based on an unconscious feeling of safety for a woman. Your whole demeanor and body language change when you approach a woman while being very honest about what your intentions are.

  I can say with absolute confidence that if you approach a woman with ulterior motives or try to manipulate her, it will reduce your effectiveness. It can easily send off major warning bells and ends up being a waste of your effort and a waste of her time.

 Plus, the conversation can quickly get heated.

2. Stick With Community Settings

According to statistics, approximately one in four women have been sexually assaulted, and I would be willing to bet the numbers are higher. It doesn’t mean that you can’t approach women any more. However, it IS something you benefit from being aware of.

Having more people around, naturally, she’s going to feel safer because she can ask for backup if she feels like she needs it. If for some reason she is being triggered you have witnesses, to stand by your side as well. It’s an added safety.

The bottom line is that approaching women in community settings is better for her, AND it’s better for you.

3. Be Assertive, But Calm

When you guys get over excited, especially if it’s with a woman that you don’t know, it can come across as a little aggressive or, shocking to her system. I’ll give you an example of what I mean.

Let’s say you see a woman from across the hall and you yell because you want her attention and you want to talk to her.

I’ve had this happen and here’s the sort of dialogue that goes on internally:

 ”Wait, who is he talking to? Wait, why is he yelling? Wait, is he talking to me?”

 It’s confusing because you’re assertive, but you’re not calm, and by the time a woman realizes, “Oh, he really was talking to me,” the moment has passed and she’s walked away because she wasn’t sure if she should get out of the way or what

So instead, be calm and assertive.

 Smile, and make some light eye contact to gauge interest before you approach. And if she is giving you eye contact, if she is smiling, then calmly approach her.

4. Warm Her Up First

AKA Foreplay for a woman. You can’t just rush in there. You’ve got to get her in the mood first.

When you’re approaching women, you do this through conversation. Conversation sparks a connection with her. The better the sparks, the better your results will be.

Where a lot of men, screw this part up is they want to show off. There’s nothing wrong with showing off a little bit, but a lot of guys will do this by making big statements, making fun of someone that they see, or bragging,

Oh, it will get you attention, but it won’t spark chemistry!

The reality is most people would rather talk about themselves than hear about you, someone that they don’t know. So take the opportunity to get to know a little bit about her, and the easiest way to do that is to ask some open-ended questions.

A few examples of of what you can say when approaching a woman you don’t know:

  • I’ve never been here before. What’s good to eat here?
  • That book looks interesting. What’s it about? What are you reading?
  • Cool T-shirt. Where did you get it?

You want to find something from your shared environment that you can have a conversation about. Small talk is your means of sparking chemistry and establishing a connection with someone that you don’t know.

5. Keep It PG

 In other words, make it warm, NOT hot, guys!

Many men tend to make a conversation physical or sexual before a woman is ready. Some women don’t even like being given compliments on their appearance by men that they don’t know.

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with complimenting something like her hair, smile, or her eyes. Or even saying, “You look really nice.”

However, if you want to play it on the safe side, you can compliment her style instead. A lot of women are comfortable with this, for example, the t-shirt or shoes.

If you compliment something about her style, say, for example, her shoes, don’t try and touch her shoes. That may sound obvious to some men, however more than once, I have had men that I don’t know try to touch my shoes when they’re complimenting them. It was very uncomfortable and strange.

Remember: keep it PG. Warm, not hot, and no touching. She doesn’t know you.

6. Avoid Cute Names

 Avoid using pet names, for example, sweetie, darling, and beautiful.

A lot of women don’t like being called pet names, specifically by men that they don’t know. Save that kind of chit-chat for someone you have already established a solid connection with.

Generally, within modern dating, pet names are a no-go until you have gotten to know a woman.

7. Don’t Press For Her Contact Info

Many women are weary of passing out private information to men they don’t know, especially with the increase of scams and predators. Although scammers and predators are the minority, you can help her feel safer with you by offering an alternative.

 If you t to approach a woman that you don’t know, instead of asking for her contact information, you can offer her yours. Give her your social media handle or your cell phone number and let her decide, when or to what extent she wants to contact you.

Don’t pressure her to give up her private information and don’t try to use logic to convince her to give it to you.

8. Know When To Walk Away

 It’s very shocking if a woman says no and you continue to press for the pursuit.

If she’s ignoring you and not talking to you, that’s basically a no.

If her eyes are darting around a lot, then she’s looking around to see who could help her. Checking to see how safe she is and where her escape routes are. That’s a sign of alarm.

It may or may not have anything to do with you or how you approached her, but if you notice these things, it’s best to walk away.

If you start insulting her or get defensive, the situation can very quickly go from bad to worse.

 And I will say this, if she has any interest in you at all, there is the potential that if you handle the rejection really well, she may change her mind about you and become *more* interested.

 A man that can handle rejection is very attractive.

This leads me to number nine.

9. Confidence

 Guys, this is the big one that makes all the difference when approaching women: Confidence.

 It is one of the biggest factors for fueling attraction with a woman.

Confidence is knowing that you are okay if she rejects you. It’s not the end of the world. If she turns you down, your life is practically going to go on the same way that it was before you ever decided to approach her.

Unless, of course, she says yes.

The reality is, many men will get mostly no’s when they’re starting out approaching women. The confidence will build with time. The more you ask, the easier it gets.

 I’m not suggesting you ask every woman that you see. However, you can ask women that you have a genuine interest in. Then you’ve got some skin in the game. It’s more worthwhile and more effective.

Be prepared for rejection when approaching women, but don’t expect it.

If a woman turns you down, one of the classiest things that a man can say is, “Well, I had to try.” Something very simple like this is a compliment to the woman and it makes you look very together.

Insulting, belittling, bragging, or pushing a woman into doing something she doesn’t want to do are the kinds of things that give women that creepy vibe that you guys are trying to avoid.

 Confidence truly is everything.

The truth is when things are in a really good place inside of a man with his thoughts and his feelings about himself and the world

– he can get away with doing a lot more than someone who’s very insecure.

Attraction for women is unconsciously fueled when she feels safe in a man’s presence.

Whether he fits into the conventional standards or not.

When you embody that kind of confidence, where you’re interested in her, but you don’t need her to say yes, that is the best.

That is also the difference between real confidence and fake confidence.

 There are a lot of men who come across as assertive when they approach women, but it’s on the aggressive side. They’re faking their confidence and then when they don’t get what they want, they lash out or they get upset.

When you have real confidence, that internal strength in yourself, you’re unconsciously communicating through your body language and demeanor; how you carry yourself; your persona:

“I’m stable. I am strong. I’m reliable. I’m safe…”

That can skyrocket attraction.

And there is room for all different types of personalities to develop those characteristics.

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Published by Krystal Matocha

Krystal helps singles build the confidence to overcome dating anxiety and loneliness. With certifications in heartmath and hypnotherapy, she offers 1:1 coaching programs that are relaxed, conversational, and deeply transformative in 1-3 sessions, without years of therapy, meditation, or nightly self-help homework.