Infidelity Trauma & Self-Blame

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair

Self-blame is a really common theme after someone has experienced infidelity. People always find themselves asking, “What did they do to deserve this? What are they lacking that their partner felt the need to seek someone else out? Is there something wrong with them that makes them somehow unlovable, not worthy of love? 

Cheating has nothing to do with your worth or your value as a human being.

This is a normal response that people have after the shock and even the trauma of having been betrayed and cheated on. 

Looking inside, deep down, we know we’re not perfect. So from that perspective, it makes sense.

It’s part of the survival aspect of how do I make sure this doesn’t ever happen again. 

How to not feel like sh*t  after being cheated on?

There are healthy ways that can help open you more to love, romantic or platonic. And there are also ways that close you off from ever having intimacy or real healthy love with other people again. That’s the part about yourself. 

But the part about the other person: 

If someone cheated on you, that is a reflection of where they were internally. 

Someone who is in a reasonably healthy, stable position inside of themself,  will not lash out by lying to you, manipulating, breaking your trust, or breaking their commitment to you. 

 If there is an issue in a relationship, they will address it with you. They’ll be honest. They’ll talk to you about it. They’ll confront it. 

You’re only responsible for yourself. That’s it. 

Being responsible for yourself is a very different experience than blaming yourself. 

Blaming yourself is going to lead to feeling like sh*t about yourself. 

In contrast, taking responsibility for yourself leads to adding value to how you see and perceive yourself. 

If you’d like help to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem, especially after something like betrayal or trust loss in yourself or someone else, I offer one-on-one consultations.

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Published by Krystal Matocha

Krystal helps singles build the confidence to overcome dating anxiety and loneliness. With certifications in heartmath and hypnotherapy, she offers 1:1 coaching programs that are relaxed, conversational, and deeply transformative in 1-3 sessions, without years of therapy, meditation, or nightly self-help homework.