Do girls look down on guys with no dating experience?
Will a woman reject a guy in his 30s if he is still a virgin?
What if they are older?
There are lots (not all) of wonderful women who will *not* reject a guy because of a lack of dating experience or physical experience with women, but lack of experience can lead to rejectionindirectly.
For some people, lack of experience leads to unmanaged jealousy, anger, fear, unrealistic expectations, or demands that they place on the person they’re dating or interested in.
Often without realizing it, people sabotage the success and happiness of their relationships when they struggle with internal thoughts and feelings about themselves and others.
It’s how you approach the lack of experience in dating or physical intimacy.
That makes all the difference.
A lot of the people that I speak with who haven’t had dating experience will openly say they struggle with their self-esteem, confidence, self-worth, feeling like they’re good enough, and oftentimes, anxiety or depression as well.
However, you’re not doomed!
All of these things can be worked through.
What really matters?
Whether the connection is open, honest, supportive, how well the partners communicate, and whether they can work through their sh*t together because we’ve all got some.
You do not have to have dating experience or physical experience in order to build yourself up and be a great partner.
You do need to develop the skills of someone who can nurture and build meaningful connections when you find them.
If you have questions, comment below or send me a DM. 💞
Why does it feel like your mind goes blank with social and dating anxiety?
It’s a very common description that I hear from a lot of clients: It feels like their body is shutting down.
The reality is that the body is actually turning on a survival stress response.
Energy is moving from one center of the brain and body into other areas. More specifically from the frontal lobe executive functioning portions of the brain into the limbic system or the more emotional centers of the brain.
You literally have less: energy going towards cognition, impulse control, self control, decision making power, and problem solving power.
And more: emotion, adrenaline, and stress (cortisol hormone).
Instead of being seen as a positive experience like you might with excitement, you perceive it more negatively.
This is why with excitement you can still think clearly, but with more severe anxiety it feels like your mind shuts down. . . It goes blank. You struggle to form sentences or your words might come out sharp, sounding angry. Something like 2 plus 2 equals 4 can suddenly feel difficult.
That sounds extreme, but in some cases that’s exactly what happens.
So bottom line is this…
Your body is not defective.
Your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do, but your system is getting turned on in non-life-threatening situations.
Where do you experience the most anxiety and why do you see it as a threat?
Let me know in the comments below or send me a DM. 💞
Betrayal and trust loss are a significant part of why so many people are avoiding dating now. Now, if you’re not ready or you don’t want to date, that’s fine. You’re not obligated to be in a relationship, to get married, or to have children. But if part of you wants to date and it feels like there’s something holding you back, it is possible to change… to open your heart again so that you feel safe and confident dating.
The experience of betrayal is very human. It’s something everyone has experienced firsthand in their life to varying degrees, of course.
How is it that some people manage to go on after betrayal?
Even a very severe experience of betrayal and they find meaningful connections in their life again. They have rewarding, fulfilling lives after the betrayal. Where other people- it’s like they get a little bit more jaded, a little bit more angry or bitter day after day after day.
One very simple concept.
It is the difference between unresolved betrayal and resolved betrayal.
One leads to more pain. The other leads to more pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction from their life.
Unresolved betrayal creates what people refer to as self-sabotaging behavior. I would describe self-sabotaging behavior as behavior that leads to more pain. It either maintains the pain or it adds to the pain.
There are so many different ways that this can look and it’s very dependent on the individual.
It could be choosing the unbearable pain of feeling lonely day after day after day but refusing to risk being betrayed.
It can look like replacing human companionship with dopamine-boosting addictions. For example, food binging, drug addiction, and corn. I think you guys know what I’m saying there.
It can look like spending time and investing your emotions into people that deep down, you know, aren’t a good fit for you. You know it’s not going somewhere healthy, but you do it anyway. You get that rush, the high, the dopamine hit.
It can look like refusing to commit when someone that you know is a good fit for you is standing right in front of you.
It can even look like becoming the betrayer. Being the person that is doing the cheating and the lying so that you’re no longer the one on the other side of that.
On an unconscious level, these kinds of behaviors seem to be protecting you because it’s keeping the experience of betrayal away.
However, on a conscious level, you know it’s destructive.
People usually describe this as feeling stuck.
They want to go forward in their life, but they just can’t seem to do it. They keep making the wrong choices because part of them knows that this one thing over here would be really good for them, but there’s this other part of them pulling them in a different direction, like that inner tug of war.
Unable to choose.
Unable to change.
Something that I always hear people say is, “Yeah, I know what I’m supposed to do, but I’m not doing it.” Or they’ll change for a week or a couple of weeks and then they go back to the old way.
If you are someone who has been wondering why you are the way you are, those blocks can be resolved.
What does that look like when that pain is resolved?
Those pain-creating behaviors get replaced with more of you. You are the one that gets to decide who you want to be! Someone that you value, who now is also adding more value to other people’s lives. Having more of the experiences that you want to have.
Resolving betrayal, you’ll know it’s been resolved because your heart becomes more open to healthy love.
Healthy love isn’t perfect, but it is stable, consistent, satisfying, and rewarding over time. Resolving self-sabotage, or what I like to call pain-inducing behavior, makes it possible for you to nurture and grow deeper connections.
Connections that have that extra spark, intrigue, the magnetic attraction, and it’s mutual. Those are rare, so cherish them when you find them.
Do the inner work so that you can let go of the pain-inducing behaviors and make room for those healthy, satisfying, rewarding connections.